By Chad Huebner
. . . The Nashville Predators are holding a wine tasting for an upcoming game. That’s the joke. What’s more, they list that they’re going to have “Spirits Tasting” and “Anheuser-Busch Products”. Hmmm, it’s Nashville. . . I wonder what’s going to be drunk the most at this pantywaist shindig. And it’s “only” $150 per person for this. . .
. . . I can’t decide which is worse, the Ottawa Senators’ 3rd jerseys (oh yeah, “SENS” just looks so cool) or the Tampa Bay Lightning 3rd jerseys (“BOLTS”? Sorry, I thought it said “DOLTS”). I just think when both teams play against each other; they should just burn those things in a collective fire and forced to play the game only in their pads and skivvies. . .
. . . Umm, not to put a rainstorm over the ‘Hawks parade, but they got a guy at the trade deadline who has Mono? I thought that was something you got in high school, if you were really lucky (Hey, didya hear? Tom’s got Mono! He doesn’t have to go to school for 2 weeks! What a lucky bastard!) and Sammy’s in his 30s? Better make sure it’s not something serious, like Typical Chicago Playoff Letdown-itis. . .
. . . So I finally got an HDTV. Yeah, I know “Welcome to the 21st Century, you putz”. But I’ve just never been invested before in terms of picture quality when I’m watching a hockey game as I am now. If I don’t see the spiky blond locks of Brian Engblom with just the right settings, I’m not totally satisfied. . .
. . . And another thing about the HDTV, it makes NHL ’09 look sweet. Except for the part when they show close-ups of the players or refs on the ice. There’s just something about the eyes, they look dead. I know I know, what a cheery thought. . .
. . . Everyone thinks Ron Silver has passed on. Not so. He’s the head coach of the New York Rangers. . .
. . . I marvel at the greatness, the legend, of one Marty Brodeur, a living Hall of Fame icon. And yet, I can’t help but think Scotty Clemmesen’s the most unlucky S.O.B. on the face of the Earth. . .
. . . Let me get all of this straight: We can give hundreds of billions of dollars to idiots who have already lost hundreds of billions of dollars, but I can’t get the NHL Network in HD?. . .
. . . Which I why I thank the holy heavens for Comcast Cable, which carries highlights of NHL games in HD. . .
. . . Reason #4,526 why hockey names are so much fun to play with: “Petri DISHed to Anaheim”. . .
. . . Nice job, Pittsburgh, for playing possum for five of the seven months of the season. Yeah, SURE, you really, really needed a new head coach, and Bill Guerin and Chris Kunitz. Next thing you’ll be telling me, that both Crosby and Malkin were “tanking on purpose”. I see your sham of a, ummm, sham. . .
. . . So is moving the annual NHL Awards Show to Las Vegas (and of course, far removed from the country where the game was invented, in case Gary Bettman forgot that point) an attempt to secure a franchise in Sin City? Probably more of an excuse for Rick Tocchet to place a few bets-BA-DUM-CHA! I got a million of ‘em. . .
. . . New term for a newbie, or a wanna-be, hockey fan: n00b l00b. . .
. . . So I’m sitting at my desk monkey job, and I get an e-mail from one of my “handlers”, and they say that they’re hiring me FULL TIME. FULL TIME, can you believe that in this kind of economy? And now I get to write and get paid for it! So I spend all my time writing, coming up with real good story ideas, real corkers, you might say. And before you know it, I get national recognition. In yo’ face Sports Guy! And then the Hockey Hall of Fame calls me up, and says they already have a spot reserved for me, and I’m not even retired yet! Or dead! And I go to tell my wife of 10 years now, Mrs. Bridget Moynahan Huebner about the good news. .
. . . And that’s when I realize I had another Random Hockey Thought.
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